![]() ![]() "Negativity is not just bad for your mood, it is bad for your health," says Dorian Crawford, PsyD over email. Being negative doesn't always mean being rude or sarcastic, and there could be a number of ways you're bringing down the mood that you might not even realize. In this particular situation, my response was impulsive, I didn’t even think twice about what I was saying.Most of us have that one friend who is the ultimate Negative Nancy - but what if that token downer is actually you? You may think you're optimistic and upbeat, but in reality, you might be exhibiting some surprising signs you're a negative person, even if you don't mean to be. ![]() ![]() respond with solutions when our counterpart wants to vent) however, in the future, I want to be aware enough in the moment that I can choose how I respond to people communicating around me. First, it was a good reminder that while the literature might suggest otherwise, it is not always disastrous when we get our signals crossed (i.e. So as I sit here reflecting on what happened, I think there are two takeaways. There are plenty of other times in my life where I have tried to solve other people’s problems or they have tried to solve mine and the results weren’t so pleasant. I waited uneasily for her response, fully recognizing that what could come next was new frustration… directed at me.įortunately, something I said resonated well enough that she finished venting and then was able to use part of my suggestion to fix the problem. The moment I finished explaining my idea, I realized what I had done… Instead of giving her space to vent, instead of acknowledging how crappy her situation was, I moved into problem-solving mode for her. For me, problem-solving for others is one of the ways that I show that I care so I was really excited to offer up solutions. After listening to her for a bit, my mind start whirling- I saw a way to solve her problem. I think her exact words were “should I scream inside or outside of your office?” She then proceeded to tell me what was making her blood boil. One of my favorite people of all time walked into my office and was obviously looking to vent. In response, they explain to us with growing agitation why our brilliant solutions won’t fix the problem and we start to get annoyed that they are being a “negative nancy.” In their heads they start thinking “how stupid do they think I am that I can’t solve this situation myself” or “why don’t you ever listen to me!” and in our head we are thinking, “if you could just stop being so emotional for about two seconds you’d see the solution is so simple!” or “stop being so stubborn and listen to me!”Ī really similar scenario happened to me earlier today. For example, a colleague walks into our office with the purpose of venting and after about three minutes, we cut in suggesting several brilliant ways to fix the problem. ![]() Sometimes though, there is only one purpose for our communication and problems arise when we get our signals crossed. A co-worker walks into the office to give us a piece of information which then leads to problem-solving, or a child comes home from school and tells their parent about the crazy, unfair, surprise test they had to take …and aced! First, we communicate with the purpose of sharing information second, we communicate to problem solve, and third, we communicate with the purpose of tending to a relationship… a lot of time this means venting! We often blend the purposes of our conversations. Recently, my reading and discoveries has me pondering the purpose for communication. ![]()
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